Archive for January 8th, 2007
Are you at the Top of Your Agenda?
Our days are just not long enough and when many of us are working upwards of sixty hours a week, good time management skills can make the difference between feeling successful or feeling like a failure, between feeling satisfaction or disappointment. Despite having access to a vast range of time management assistance some of us remain unable to use our time well.
In working with clients the first thing I do is look for the obvious. So when Mary came to me asking for help with time management problems, I asked to see her agenda. Although Mary is a bright, highly motivated and self directed woman she has been unable to finish her dissertation and complete a certification she has spent several years working on and thousands of dollars of her money.
The thing that stood out about her agenda was that she had put all the things she claimed she wanted to do at the bottom in tiny print, not as agenda items, but floating off in a space by themselves. Tasks she is performing for others is up at the top of her agenda in large, bold letters. The obvious thing to me about her agenda is that she unconsciously sidelines herself. Because her work is not high on her list, on some level she doesn’t consider it to be important.
Mary is a very confident woman with high self esteem, but she shows a lot of resistance to getting her dissertation done. To get her back onto her own agenda, I had her write “Me First” at the top of the page in large letters. It’s not enough just to write the words, my client had to come around to the idea that her time was valuable and take responsibility for it. This didn’t happen over night.
The second obvious thing I noticed about my client’s time management habits was that she was doing a gazillion things. At first I thought she must be successful and extremely well organized to get so much done until it struck me that she was using this busyness to avoid doing her own stuff. Pretty creative eh?
Mary admitted to me that a lot of what she does all day is a distraction from doing the work she really wants to do; she even distracts herself from her distractions. She also has a bad habit of starting things she is unable or not interested in finishing—which led us to something even juicier but I don’t want to get off topic. The point is that she began to realize how much energy she puts into avoiding her own work—energy that she could put to better use elsewhere.
I asked Mary if she could put herself first. Move those tiny agenda items up to the top and write them in large letters. To make some space for her to get her work done, I asked her to prioritize the other work and if possible chop out the work she identified as busy work. She was able to drop several projects when she realized that they were distractions from what she really wants to do.
Mary is working against her resistance which is hard work. For homework, I asked her to be aware of how she distracts herself. Every minute taken to fold socks or rearrange the files takes valuable minutes and energy from the most productive part of her day. Since then, she now makes a point of seeing each part of her day through without seeking distractions, well almost.
Because the task of completing her thesis seemed overwhelming, I asked her to break it down into smaller pieces that can be managed in a few hours. Mary still distracts herself but she is aware of it and much more focused on her goals.
There can be many reasons why you are not at the top of your agenda. In most cases coaching can help you become the number one person in your life. A good coach will help you identify the patterns in your life that no longer work for you so you can achieve your goals and lead a happier and more productive life.
Coach Bradley is a Gestalt trained coach based in Toronto.
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Making New Years’ Resolutions That Stick
“This year, I resolve to make more time for myself in my schedule.” Sound familiar? Every year we make New Years’ resolutions with the idea that we will turn ourselves into better people if we just make a resolution. If we could only become more fit because we buy a membership to a gym, we would all look like Venuses or Adonises. But it’s not that easy. Achieving our goals is a round the clock, day in day out, month to month and year to year effort.
How many times do you see advertisements telling you that you can have what you want whether it’s a new lifestyle, more friends or nicer hair if you just buy something? So how do you make resolutions that stick and actually effect real change?
The New Year just happens to be a time when most of us pause and reflect. We may become aware that something is missing from our lives or that those resolutions made last year have somehow slipped by the wayside in our busy lives. The best way to make a resolution that you are going to stick with is to consider:
- How motivated am I to change?
- Is my resolution in line with my long term goals?
- Have I framed my resolution in a positive way?
- Can I take practical steps that are reasonable and do-able
- Can I make myself accountable to achieve results?
Becoming aware that something needs to change in your life is the first step to growth, being motivated to change is another thing all together.
Let’s take my example: I want to make more time for myself instead of giving it away. I am motivated by my resolution because having more time for myself will make a big difference in my enjoyment of life. I will have time to read books, see friends, take a course or just do what I feel like in the moment. Imagine that! I’m definitely motivated!
My long term goals are to be financially independent, successful, happy, secure and having time to enjoy life. Making time for myself is in line with my long term goals and actually makes the last one more achievable. My resolution makes me feel as if I am getting closer to aligning my goals with my life. This is something I want!
I framed my resolution in a positive way. My goal is a positive one. It is something I am willing to work toward because it has a good outcome for me and I will feel positive about achieving change. Feeling positive about my resolution helps me to fulfill it.
Starting today I will take steps to find more time for myself. I resolve to leave one evening unplanned each week to do what ever I feel like doing and as I tend to work through lunch I will schedule a one hour break for lunch at least once a week. Notice I am taking small steps toward my goal? I am doing what I feel I can manage. If I take too radical a change I may doom my efforts, winding up with too much time on my hands and leaving other parts of my life neglected. I can manage small changes in behavior and when I feel ready, I will take on more.
Making myself accountable is one of the biggest challenges of making resolutions stick and it is one of the reasons why we all backslide on them. I will rely on my coach to help me with this one. Each week I will check in with her to give her a progress report. When I first started working with her, she gave me a life wheel to complete. Filling the chart in, I noticed that I had been neglecting my personal life, so this became a focus of our work. Little by little I have been reclaiming more of my time for my own use while I work toward my other goals.
There’s nothing wrong with making resolutions at this time of the year because this is as good a time any to make positive changes that enhance your life. Follow the simple steps and if you are not already working with a coach, find one. A coach will help you identify your strengths and work with them to help you define the steps you must take to reach your goals.
I have coaches as clients and as a coach I have a coach. A coach will keep you on track all year long so next year you won’t be mumbling the same old resolutions from last year.
Happy New Year!
And may all your resolutions stick!
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